Hello, long time no update. I plan to do some things today but I'm defeated by the flu. So I just slumped in my chair. Na got the flu first, after days of clogged nose. We went to doctor twice, different doctor. And it seems like her clogged nose was caused by an allergy, eventhough we're still not sure what triggers it. Today she has been back to the daycare, with tears. She refused to come out from the car, and cried when I left her there.
Did I stay and wait till she stop crying? Nope. I talk to her for a while and then go straight to office. Last week she has made a good progress on adapting at daycare. But then she got the flu and stayed home for 3 days. So it seems like she kind of forgot about daycare and have to readjust. The sitters and I agreed to let her do things on her speed, as long as she is comfortable.
When her grandparents were here, everyone has different expectation on Na. My mom keep telling me she needs to sosialize more, to get to know people better, to be braver. And my mother in law insist to slip some lesson like color and counting everytime she play with Na. Honestly, I can't be bothered to do those. I think Na is fine. She will talk to people when she know them well enough, whe will learn her lesson when she's ready for it.
It took me some times to realize that I might an extroverted introvert. I'm used to pushed to do activities that I'm not comfortable with, like dancing, playing sports with other, and talking to distant relatives I barely know. These might be small things, but the impact, the resentment I feel, it stays with me for a long time. Na's personality is a whole lot like me, despite her appearance that is copy of her father. So I'm trying to take things easily for her. As long as she is happy and healty. I do realize that I often lost my patience. The older she gets, the thinner my calmness. I often forgot that she's just a kid. And that makes me really devastated.
Back here, 30 is the age when you are considered old enough to have more than 1 kid. You're even encouraged to have more kids with your age becoming the main factor. I think people forget that other than physical healt, mental health is also an important factor before you decide to have kid. At least for me. I will not dare to have another kid before I'm sure I can handle it. Some people might say, nobody is ever ready to be a parent until the child comes. But I don't want to be that. If I ever decide to have another kid, I wanna be sure that this kid will have a decent mother. Right now, I'm not sure I have enough love for another human being.
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