Felt like crap this morning. Which is my own fault staying up a bit late last night. So I get my morning coffee at not even 8.30 yet. Why is coffee so good? I actually don't think I have a good palate. Same for coffee, I can't really taste which one is the better quality. But I do, have preference. My favorite is long black, with a little sugar. But I don't like coffee that has acidic taste in it. My mother once told me what kind of coffe that is, but I forgot. Ha ha. I just need to remember what brand that I like the most. Lately, my favorit is Robert Tim's Italian Espresso, which I bought tons of it in Melbourne. Sadly, that can't be found here. So I'm gonna need replacement once my stash runs out.
I think my love for coffee an be traced back to my mom. She loves coffee to the point of addiction, maybe. She has to have two cup everyday. Luckily, I'm not addicted. I drink coffe because I like the taste, not for some energy boost. It is indeed, refreshing, like this morning. But, after months of cup of coffee every morning, I can still function normally without it. The downside is, it also doesn't make me wide awake. If I was sleepy then I drink coffee, I will back to being sleepy right after I finished my cup.
It's been a month since we get back to this country. Na is starting to settle with the new routine which is being at home while her mom and dad work. She doesn't cry anymore when I leave in the morning. That's a relief for me, I can work more peacefully. People, especially other mother, often ask me, "How do you feel, after being a stay at home mom, now you have to back to work?" I said that I feel better at being a working mom and that answe usually surprised them. Maybe most of people expect a women to enjoy being a stay at home mom more than working.
I do enjoy my time with my daughter. But I also realize that being with her 24/7 can also bring the worst in me. Patience is not my virtue. So, when I spend every single second of my time with her, I prone to burnout and I may take in on her. And I ended up hating myself. I won't forget that horrible feeling. Constantly feeling like a failure and a bad mother, I don't want to back at those place. It is difficult for me, and for her too.
Having a career provides some time out for me. So I don't obsess over every little detail about my daughter. It can also serve as me time. And most importantly, it makes me feel independent. Coming from a broken home, I understand deeply how important it is to have my own income. Doesn't matter how good your husband is, being financially independent is not a bad thing for a women. I should thank my mom for requiring me to having a job before I could marry anyone. Maybe I should follow her lead later, I don't know.
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